Friday, November 14, 2008

to snip or not to snip?

[a brochure on vasectomy from the 1980's-note the two men discussing the procedure over coffee]

That is indeed the question of the day over here in the Bray home.  We are at a cross roads ...  do we take the plunge and solidify that we are done?  Do we wait a bit longer in case we get a strong desire to re-enter babyhood?

My youngest is going to be 3 in February and I have got to tell you, things are pretty dang sweet right now.  We can do long outings and not be overly concerned about naps.  We are in a really sweet phase.  The thought of being pregnant right now and having the morning (afternoon, evening, all night) sickness again while taking care of these two beautiful kids makes me want to give up a kidney instead.

Sure, I have a few baby twinges here and there.  When I see that belly bump poking out of the cute pregnant moms around me I kind of feel a twinge.  And, when I see the new little peanuts being carried so gently in their parents' arms, I feel a slight twinge.  When I look at these little people growing up so quickly right in front of my eyes.  Their babyhood is like a breeze that blowing through my house.  Slam goes the screen door, it is gone.

But, then the thoughts of sleepless nights and all that is entailed in another little person quickly snaps me back to my reality.  And, my reality is that I often feel like I am barely scraping by as a mom as it is.  I often end the day feeling like there is just not enough time to give these kids and to take care of my husband and our home the way that I want to.  But, maybe with each kid we let go of a little bit more of that control that we hold.  I definitely think that I am a better parent now than I was in the very beginning.  I am less freaked out by the small stuff.  More "big picture", learning to enjoy the golden moments more.

How do you know when you are done?  How do you know that it is time to snip?


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